<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>30 Going On 98 by comebackjessica</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29656131">30 Going On 98</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/comebackjessica/pseuds/comebackjessica'>comebackjessica</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Peaky Blinders (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Ada Is A Matchmaker, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bisexual Disaster Alfie Solomons, Cyril Is The Best Boy, F/F, Fake/Pretend Relationship, It's a wedding!, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Themes, Lesbian Ada Shelby, M/M, Modern AU, Modern Era, Referenced Past Alfie/Tommy Relationship, THERE WAS ONLY ONE BED, fake boyfriends</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 22:07:31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,317</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29656131</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/comebackjessica/pseuds/comebackjessica</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>One particular Saturday, Ada surprises her best friend Alfie with her newest scheme: her friend needs a fake boyfriend for a wedding. One thing she doesn't mention, though, is that the wedding is in Oxford and both guys would have to stay in a hotel. Is there only one bed? ... Oh my God, there is only one bed!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alfie Solomons/Original Male Character(s), Jessie Eden/Ada Shelby</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>30 Going On 98</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>The very clever title was invented by @mandoisgay/@adriart as we were yelling at each other about Alfie Solomons and his grandfatherly habits &lt;3</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>That particular Saturday started as any other. Cyril woke him up with his whining, since the dog had no possibility of discerning whether this day was perhaps the only one in the week where Alfie could get some goddamn sleep. However, seeing as his human already opened one eye, the horse of a dog decided to get up on the bed and squish his master’s lungs with his full weight and happily pant in his face, just for good measure.</p><p>“Fuck you,” Alfie wheezed but scratched Cyril behind the ears all the same.</p><p>Begrudgingly, Alfie had to get up and get dressed, though not without his usual morning ritual of trying to find any pair of socks that matched. He knew none of them would but he still tried every single day. At thirty-something years old, he should have made his peace with being a disaster adult — and yet...</p><p>“Yeah, yeah, come on,” Alfie mumbled to Cyril, as he brushed his teeth and the dog supervised.</p><p>Alfie watched himself in the mirror and tried to figure out whether it was time to trim his beard or if he could wing it for at least one more week. Unable to get some privacy even in his own damn bathroom, Alfie kept trying to gently push Cyril away with his leg, while Cyril nudged him from time to time, reminding Alfie who really called the shots in this household.</p><p>“I swear to fuck, one of these days imma drive ya straight to Ada’s, boy, you can live with all her cats, yeah, I don’t give a shit, eh?” Alfie mumbled as he attached the leash to Cyril’s collar. Cyril was absolutely fine with his master’s rants, as he never made any good on his threats.</p><p>Alfie put on his worn-out coat and checked if he still had the e-cigarette in the pocket. Trying not to yearn after the real thing, he switched it on and off they went. Cyril knew exactly where he wanted to go and Alfie let the dog lead him, too tired to care. It looked like rain and it was cold as fuck, which didn’t put Alfie in a particularly cheerful mood, either. As for the dog, he was leading them both to the park, absolutely ecstatic. Seeing that, Alfie couldn’t help but smile a little to himself. </p><p>Alfie was not entirely correct in his assumption that Cyril couldn’t tell the days of the week apart. He counted them one by one in his own way; on day one, for example, Alfie got up very early, so early it wasn’t even light out. He would be grumpy and their morning walk would be short. On day two, Cyril remembered, Alfie got up later and there would be scraps from the table after the walk, since on day two Alfie would actually make them breakfast. Well, technically he would make it for himself, but they shared either way, so in Cyril’s mind the breakfast was theirs. Day three and four were similar to the first, but day five always put his human in a better mood. Day six was the best of all — it was their park day. If he played this right, Cyril would get to walk Alfie to the park on day seven as well, but only sometimes and only with the right weather.</p><p>They reached the park and since it was early, the only people there were people like Alfie — very tired dog owners or yawning young parents with their hyperactive toddlers. </p><p>“Alright, off ya go. Don’t bother any kids, ya hear me?” Alfie let his dog off the leash and Cyril trotted gently towards the nearest tree to check it for new smells. </p><p>He was never one to run around; he was more like his human in that regard. Alfie knew Cyril would behave with other dogs and so he smoked and let his thoughts wander. This week, Alfie had the whole weekend off and honestly didn’t even know what to do with all the free time on his hands. It’s been a while and he didn’t even manage to make any plans. To be perfectly honest, after the Friday Alfie just had, he was very surprised that he even made it out alive. </p><p>There was a hen party at The Bakery last night — The Bakery being the bar he owned. He had to help out because he had already agreed to give Ollie the night off. The lad had some sort of ridiculous anniversary going on with this girl, or something. Alfie didn’t pay much attention when Ollie told him. He liked the guy, of course, Ollie was a friend and a very loyal employee at that. It’s just sometimes listening about other people’s relationships would make Alfie feel lonely. So, there was that. </p><p>Nothing made him forget the loneliness like a hen or a stag party, though, now that… Alfie never particularly liked them, although they brought incredible revenue every time, but he did not despise them, either. They were always a messy event to watch and quickly went from an entertaining trainwreck to pathetic, and at the same time they never failed to help Alfie snap out of whatever blues or longing he was currently feeling. He hated weddings even more than he hated those parties, and they made him kind of glad he would never have to throw his own.</p><p>They got home after about an hour; Cyril thoroughly satisfied with his time outside, and Alfie still indecisive about what to do with the rest of the day. Back at the flat, he re-filled Cyril’s food bowls and decided he might as well take a shower before he figured things out. The second he stepped in and put shampoo in his hair, the phone rang. Because of course it did. Grumbling, he decided to let it ring; perhaps it wasn’t very important. Alfie was not a fan of telephone conversations, which is why he didn’t own a mobile and was probably the only person in London under sixty who still had a landline. Ada would always say his grandfatherly habits make him thirty going on ninety-eight and, well, wasn’t that the truth?</p><p>It must have been something important, because the phone rang for the longest time. Finally, still with some shampoo in his hair, Alfie put the towel around his hips and, swearing under his breath and nearly slipping three times on the way, he picked up.</p><p>“What?” he barked into the receiver, not really bothering with the tone. Whoever had his private number, was probably used to this.</p><p>“Uh, boss, Ada Shelby’s here…” It was Ollie. Why the fuck was Ollie calling him about Ada being at the bar? “She says it’s urgent and she was supposed to meet you, uh… I told her it was your day off, but there’s a guy here with her, too, and—”</p><p>“Her brother?” Alfie asked, immediately ready to change his name and flee to Alaska.  </p><p>“Ah, no, he’s… no, I don’t—”</p><p>Then, Alfie heard some rustling and Ada’s unmatched bossy tone: “Give me that!”</p><p>Then, someone huffed into the receiver and Alfie rolled his eyes, watching as the water trickled down from his legs and created a puddle around his feet. If he played this right, he figured, he might just slip on it and break his neck, so as not to have to hear what delightful fucking scheme his friend had for him this time.</p><p>“Alfie!” Ada said cheerfully. “Forgot you don’t work Saturdays. So listen—”</p><p>“I don’t wanna hear it.”</p><p>“Yeah, yeah, sure, so hon, listen. Remember my friend Adrian?”</p><p>Alfie rubbed the bridge of his nose, trying not to snap at her. “Why are ya callin’ me from the bar, Ada?”</p><p>“Ran out of battery, doesn’t matter. Listen, we need your help, it’s kind of important. Can we meet at yours?”</p><p>“Absolutely fuckin’ not.”</p><p>“Oh, good! So be at the bar in thirty!”</p><p>And then she hung up.</p><p>Alfie looked at the receiver then as if it were a live snake, trying to bite him. He hung it very, very slowly and looked around as if Ada could jump him from the corners of his own flat any second now. </p><p>“This wasn’t what I meant,” Alfie growled under his breath, carefully walking back to the bathroom. “For the fucking record, right, I was very fuckin’ FINE with bein’ bored on my day off!”</p><hr/><p>With his hair still relatively wet and half a mind to be done with the e-cig nonsense and just buy himself a pack of Marlboros, Alfie entered The Bakery — loudly and with his foul mood known immediately to anyone who had eyes.</p><p>“Uh,” was all that Ollie said at that and promptly got out of Alfie’s way, making sure to suddenly appear very busy.</p><p>“Hi, Alf!” Ada exclaimed then, and Alfie noticed she already had a colorful cocktail in hand. She was sitting in a lounge comfortably, with someone in front of her who, Alfie supposed, must have been Adrian.</p><p>“Alright, what’s the fuckin’ fire then?” Alfie grumbled and sat down next to Ada, not even bothering himself with any introductions. That… Now, that proved to have been a mistake. But how was Alfie supposed to know, alright, that she would bring Michelangelo’s inspiration for his every masterpiece right to Alfie’s place of fucking business, at eleven o’clock, on a bloody Saturday?</p><p>The guy in front of Alfie was younger, or maybe just looked like that, who the hell knew these days. He had curly hair and big, green eyes, and when he looked straight at Alfie, for a second there Alfie forgot his own name. What was absolutely certain, though, was that they definitely, absolutely, have never met before. Alfie would remember; he definitely would. So why was Ada being sly about this whole thing in the first place?</p><p>“Right, so,” she gestured between the two men now. “This is my friend Adrian, Alfie, you remember Adrian, right? So we have this teeny-tiny problem, see, there’s this wedding—”</p><p>“Fuck no,” Alfie said and got up immediately. Would’ve managed to walk away, too, had it not been for Ada slamming him back into his seat with a surprising force.</p><p>“Fuck your crossfit,” Alfie hissed.</p><p>“Thank you,” she smiled at him and slurped her Mai Tai. “As I was saying, we have a wedding, and we have a situation. Now, my friend Adrian here, he’s only recently out to his family, and his date for the wedding stood him up—”</p><p>“Get Grindr then, stop wasting my time,” Alfie barked, but regretted it immediately, as he saw the guy get a bit red in the face. Alright, he wasn’t exactly planning on being a dick to him, but this whole situation had Ada’s name all over it and Alfie didn’t want to hear it. </p><p>It was all already overwhelmingly similar to her having meddled in his lovelife all those times before, and those… well, they all ended very badly, let’s just leave it at that. Of course, Alfie being his delightful, grumpy self never helped the matters with his exes, sure, but there was no use in wasting some guy’s time just for Ada to feel like a matchmaker for ten minutes. On a fucking Saturday.</p><p>“The wedding’s tomorrow and it’s in Oxford,” Ada said and finished her drink. “So, I need you to be his date so that his family does not give him shit for showing up without Holden.”</p><p>“What the fuck is a Holden?” Alfie barked, which to his utter surprise prompted an amused snort from Adrian. </p><p>“His parents were hippies,” Adrian said then.</p><p>Alfie looked at him as if he had already forgotten the guy was even there, but Adrian avoided his gaze still and wrapped his hands around his untouched cup of tea. </p><p>“Right, so Holden is a complete asshole who shall not be mentioned ever again,” Ada said, and Alfie could already tell that the tale she was hinting at now would be long and full of drama, “he dumped Adrian over a text and… Well, see, you would never do that!” She pointed at Alfie then and Alfie felt his urge to buy cigarettes triple.</p><p>“Because I don’t have a mobile! Not because—”</p><p>“But you do clean up nicely, Alf, admit it!” </p><p>“What the fuck does that have to do with anything?!” Alfie gestured at Adrian who now looked like he wanted the ground to swallow him up.</p><p>“Ada, this was a bad idea,” Adrian cleared his throat, “leave the poor guy alone, he—”</p><p>“Nonsense,” Ada waved her hand and to Alfie’s utter astonishment, one of his guys <em> actually brought her another fucking Mai Tai. </em></p><p>“This is fuckin’ outrageous, that,” Alfie grumbled and rubbed his face with his hands. “Alright, so listen… The guy got dumped, why can’t you just go with him?”</p><p>“Excuse me, I’m sitting right here…?”</p><p>“Oh, me and Jessie have already RSVP’d, we’re going.”</p><p>“So what the fuck do you need me for?!”</p><p>“I, uh…” Adrian spoke directly to Alfie for the first time now and that, Alfie was not proud to admit, managed to grab his attention like nothing else. Suddenly, Alfie was very aware of the man in front of him and couldn’t take his eyes off of the dark hair, the eyes and the large, slightly crooked nose that looked like somebody had broken it at one point or another, which, Alfie supposed, might have been a good thing, since without it Adrian might have been entirely too beautiful to co-exist with the rest of them mortals.</p><p>At some point Alfie realized, of course, that Adrian was talking but all Alfie was looking at right now were his lips moving. And what delicious fucking lips those were…</p><p>Then, Adrian stopped talking and Alfie noticed the guy was no longer avoiding his gaze. Quite the contrary, he was looking at Alfie expectantly, almost pleadingly, so of course Alfie had to say something, right?</p><p>“What?” he asked, looking from Ada to Adrian, then back to Ada. </p><p>“Oh my God…” Ada rolled her eyes and pointed at Adrian. “His boyfriend broke up with him and is a terrible human being, meanwhile Adrian already told his family he has a boyfriend, nobody believed him, now if he shows up to his sister’s wedding without one, they will never let him live it down! So?”</p><p>Alfie scratched his beard, not really able to say anything that would contribute to this tale in any way. However, one thing there kind of stuck out:</p><p>“Why me?” he pointed at Adrian. “Is it only ‘cause I like men? ‘Cause that is a hate crime, Ada!”</p><p>“I don’t think ‘hate crime’ means what you think it means,” Adrian said softly and Alfie was honestly very entertained by the prospect of arguing with the guy, had Ada not ruined the opportunity:</p><p>“Goddamn it, Alf, we need a fake boyfriend and we need him now, within an hour, with a suit on! You in or out?”</p><p>“Don’t have anyone to leave Cyril with.”</p><p>“Ollie will take him,” Ada said smugly and in that moment, the sound of something breaking came from the backroom. </p><p>Alfie squinted at her. “You already asked him?”</p><p>“I already asked him,” she grinned. </p><p>“Yeah, but I’m busy.” However, Alfie realized he had already lost when he said that, since he had also stopped indicating in any way that he was going to leave anytime soon. </p><p>In fact, he took off his coat and sat down more comfortably, challenging Ada to make the deal more interesting with his stance alone. Ada knew his games well enough, and she also knew that, since Alfie was still sitting here, she was already winning.</p><p>“Listen, you’re my first choice, okay?” she huffed.</p><p>“Aye, <em> your </em> first choice, not his,” Alfie pointed to the guy who was now even redder in the face and tried to cover it up by finally drinking his tea.</p><p>“I mean listen, you’re not scared of women, right?” Ada said. “So if any of his annoying relatives or—”</p><p>“Quite the contrary, darlin’, they terrify me. Often come in packs, I never know what they want,” now Alfie made a point of looking straight at her, “not to mention, right, that they call me at home, summon me to my own place of fuckin’ business, right, and then throw pretty men at me, askin’ for favors.”</p><p>“You think I’m pretty?” Adrian looked up then, putting his tea aside.</p><p>“Ah, fuck,” Alfie muttered and looked away, doing his best to keep his face neutral. “Listen, mate, you don’t need me to tell ya that, alright? Mirrors exist. So do yourself a favor, go out, right, bat your lashes at some poor unsuspecting lad, yeah, you ain’t gonna be single in an hour. That way’s Bonny Street,” Alfie pointed to the back door and slowly stood up, deeming the conversation over. </p><p>All in all, did he want to go to the wedding as this guy’s fake boyfriend? Not particularly, no. But did he want to pretend to be his boyfriend, just to maybe hold hands for a minute or two while Ada runs around them and posts her stupid pictures on her stupid social media?</p><p>
  <em> Perhaps. </em>
</p><p>“Right.” Ada finished her drink then and set the glass loudly on the table. Alfie pretended not to notice she was about to bring out the big guns, he just calmly put his coat back on and checked his watch. </p><p>She put a pack of Marlboros on the table, then slammed Alfie’s old, beaten up zippo lighter right next to it. He had given her that for safekeeping, making her swear she wouldn’t give it back to him under any circumstances, since this time he was going to quit smoking for good. </p><p>A lot of good that did him, apparently, trusting Ada fucking Shelby out of all people.</p><p>“Fuck off,” Alfie grumbled and put his hands in his pockets. </p><p>“Thought you might say that,” Ada said calmly and placed another pack on top of the other. “No?” Another pack. Alfie cleared his throat and gestured towards the table. </p><p>“A dangerous game yer playin’ there, Ada,” he grumbled, voice low and raspy. Adrian, totally confused, looked from the pile of cigarettes to Ada, then to Alfie, then back to Ada, obviously not understanding anything about this. </p><p>“Why don’t you just go to the store?” he said quietly.</p><p>“Not the same,” Ada and Alfie said in unison. </p><p>“I want a full week, alright?” Alfie grumbled, pointing to the cigarettes. “Whenever I fuckin’ want, no fuckin’ comments from you, alright, no fuckin’ fake coughing—”</p><p>“Man, I was gonna give you a month but since—”</p><p>“Oi, wait! No. I want a month!”</p><p>Adrian snorted at that and shook his head, finishing his tea. Alfie shot him a <em> look </em>but a lot of good that did since the man wasn’t even paying attention to him anymore. Meanwhile, Ada looked smug as ever and outstretched on the sitting area, gesturing vaguely towards cigarettes. </p><p>“So?” she said, obviously knowing the answer. Alfie hated that Shelby smugness. Yes, he could have given up again and started smoking all on his own. But he needed Ada to accept him; to be his friend. He wanted to be her one true partner in crime; them being the disaster duo — the bisexual moron and the lesbian — tale as old as time, Alfie supposed. So, he would never break a promise given to Ada, but since she was now giving him permission…</p><p>“Aye, and I want a beer,” Alfie said to the cigarette packs, since they were all he was looking at right now.</p><p>“Don’t fuckin’ push it, mister. Five years sober! Now, let’s fuckin’ go!” Ada commanded and threw Alfie his zippo. He caught it swiftly and opened it to check the flame. As per usual, Baby Shelby came prepared. The lighter had already been refilled.</p><hr/><p>Alfie didn’t realize that Jessie would be the one to drive them all to Oxford. Had he been informed, he would’ve never agreed to anything. She drove like she wanted to kill every single person present in the car and those outside of it, too. One good thing, though, was that Jessie was a smoker and she let him smoke in the car — with the window cracked open as if Alfie was a goddamn dog. </p><p>Well, actually, there were two good things there. Because of how Jessie was driving, and because Adrian was sitting in the backseat there with Alfie, whenever the car took any sharp turns, Adrian would fall into Alfie from time to time, each time more flustered and each time apologizing profusely. Alfie couldn’t cope. The boy was honestly lovely. This would never have worked in the real world — one outside Ada Shelby’s influence, that is. </p><p>They arrived at the hotel — all in one piece, unfortunately, which meant the wedding was still a go. Alfie skipped the check-in, though, since he was too busy standing outside and getting cancer.</p><p>“Your other key,” Ada said to him after she emerged from the lobby. “Jesus, you stink!” She waved her hand before her face as Alfie chuckled and blew out the smoke through his nose, looking very fucking pleased with himself.</p><p>“No waving. No comments. No coughing.” He took the key from her and threw out the cigarette butt to the curb. </p><p>“I wasn’t coughing!”</p><p>“Aye, you were thinking about it.” Alfie picked up his bag and went in after her. </p><p>He didn’t get the implication of <em> the other key </em>until he opened the door to the room and was greeted with the view that otherwise might have been very fucking pleasant, but in current circumstances caused Alfie to panic. He immediately craved another cigarette. </p><p>“What the fuck,” Alfie barked in the general direction of the other man in the room, then shut the door dramatically and threw his bag to the floor. </p><p>Adrian, casually sprawled out on the double bed, looked up from his phone.</p><p>“I, uh… booked this room in advance,” Adrian said but didn’t move from the bed. “For me and my boyfriend. Ex. Ex-boyfriend. Shit, will have to get used to that one... What a fucking asshole. Well, anyway.”</p><p>“I’m…” Alfie scrunched his nose, then decided against finishing that sentence. “Alright, I can see that. So is one of us gonna sleep in the bathtub?”</p><p>Adrian giggled at that and shook his head. Then he looked up at Alfie and frowned. “Oh, you were serious? No, I don’t… I mean, listen—”</p><p>“No, I ain’t bloody serious,” Alfie barked and went to the bathroom to wash his hands. Right, there was only a shower. If he was really determined, he could’ve… But then again, his back would’ve been even more fucked than it usually was.</p><p>This was the tale, Alfie supposed, of how he ended up in one bed with a gorgeous boy he was not allowed to touch. Reminded him too much of his boarding school days; in fact, it was too damn similar in places to remain entirely trauma-free. </p><p>“So, uh…” Adrian said, as they both laid in the dark, on two opposite sides of the bed, with their hands on the covers. </p><p>“Aye, I need a cigarette.” Alfie didn’t let him finish. He got out of the bed and opened the window, ignoring the fact he had only boxer shorts and a t-shirt on, and it was January. What kind of a psychopath gets married in January, anyway?</p><p>Alfie lit the cigarette and took a long drag, then another, before he heard Adrian say:</p><p>“You’re a horrible influence and I hate you.” </p><p>Alfie heard some rustling and then the man was right in front of him, outstretching his hand. Now, the boy had no decency, right. Or he just ran hot. He only had pajama bottoms on and no shirt. Alfie fixed his gaze somewhere around Adrian’s belly button before he could even do anything about the hand. </p><p>“Eh, well,” he gave him the cigarette. Adrian looked at him expectantly and he also gave him the lighter, but it was then that the ancient zippo chose to malfunction. </p><p>A bit frustrated, the guy looked at Alfie, still awkwardly crouched by the window, as if it was Alfie’s bloody fault. </p><p>“Here,” Alfie barked and beckoned him closer. He put his hand at the back of Adrian’s neck and pressed both cigarette tips together, inhaling deeply on the one in his mouth. Soon, Adrian’s caught the flame, too. </p><p>“Ah, French kiss, hm?” Adrian said then and stood up, stretching a little bit. Seeing that, all the muscles and the youth right in front of him, Alfie felt like the frog before the prince. He said nothing, just sat down on the windowsill and blew the smoke outside the window.</p><p>“Ah, what were your original plans? For the day off, I mean,” Adrian asked, obviously trying to make conversation. </p><p>Now, Alfie was not entirely opposed to conversation; most people knew he was a talker. It was just… the other guy being so goddamn <em> nice </em>about the whole thing. So understanding and… grateful? There was nothing to be grateful about, Alfie supposed. He just served as a suit filling. </p><p>“No plans,” he said, voice raspy and tired. “Couldn’t figure it out.”</p><p>“Ah,” Adrian nodded and flicked the ash outside the window. “Well, I mostly go out on my days off. No matter what, I make myself go out. Grab a coffee, go to the cinema… You know.”</p><p>No, Alfie didn’t know. But he looked at Adrian now, suddenly intrigued. </p><p>“What kind of movies?”</p><p>“Huh?”</p><p>“What movies do you like?”</p><p>“Ah, there is this small cinema in Soho that plays old movies. I like Xavier Dolan, you know him?”</p><p>Alfie snorted a bit to himself. Such a gay thing, he supposed. And the idea of a film from a couple of years ago to be <em> old. </em> What did that make him, then? Tutankhamun, probably. “Yeah, I know him… I, uh, my ex managed to convince me to see <em> Mommy </em>and, uh… We broke up very soon, I’ll tell ya that.”</p><p>Adrian snorted at that and nodded. Alfie checked to see if it was mockery but no. To his utter surprise, those big, green eyes showed only understanding. “Oh, I can see that. That movie terrified me, for sure. But I don’t watch him for entertainment, I guess. I watch him to think.”</p><p>Alfie tilted his head a bit, obviously mulling something over in his head. </p><p>“What?” Adrian smiled at him softly. </p><p>“Nah, nothing. I was just thinkin’, right, how,” <em> you better think of something quickly, you moron, before you tell him what you’re really fucking thinking, </em>“uh, I think it’s weird. That he dumped you right before the wedding.”</p><p>
  <em> Oh, fuck. </em>
</p><p>Adrian cleared his throat and straightened himself up a little. “Well, what can I say? I guess I’m repulsive or something.”</p><p>“Nah, didn’t mean it like that.” Alfie shook his head and threw the cigarette butt out the window. <em> By all means, what the fuck did you mean? The floor is fucking yours. </em>“I was just, uh… Shouldn’t we rehearse this?” He gestured between them, now avoiding Adrian’s gaze.</p><p>“Rehearse?” Adrian raised his eyebrows.</p><p>“Yeah, since you want me to pretend to be your boyfriend, right? Shouldn’t I know some things about you? I can lie just fine, too,” he said quickly. “I just, uh, don’t want to give ya any trouble, right? Since the guy ran for the hills, I was wonderin’, right, if maybe I should be scared of that family of yours. I wouldn’t know now, would I, yeah?”</p><p>Adrian stayed quiet but then chuckled softly and sat down on the carpet, practically at Alfie’s feet. “Alright,” he said, sitting cross-legged and with the cigarette still between his fingers. They’re gonna charge them extra for the room, for sure, Alfie realized. “Ask me,” Adrian said, smirking a little bit.</p><p>“Yeah, just did, didn’t I? Is the family scary, mate?”</p><p>Adrian snorted and nodded quickly. “Oh, yeah! Especially my sister. She’s a bitch. Next question.”</p><p>Alfie frowned, not really used to strangers being this frank and open with him. “Do we have any pet names for each other?”</p><p>Adrian smiled a bit wider now. “I don’t know, do you want to?”</p><p>“I don’t know,” Alfie said, pretending not having already thought about this in the car. “I kinda like those, yeah.”</p><p>“Alright, what do I call you?”</p><p>“Shouldn’t this be your idea, mate, really? That’s just fuckin’ lazy,” Alfie murmured, a bit flustered now. “What do you want me to call you?”</p><p>“I don’t like pet names,” Adrian decided and took the last drag of his cigarette. Then, he stood up to throw it out the window, leaning into Alfie a bit as he did that. Alfie noticed it, all right, he just really, really didn’t want to allow himself to interpret that the way he wanted to interpret it. </p><p>“Aye, then why didn’t you say so?” he grumbled, which for some reason made Adrian giggle. </p><p>“I don’t know. Okay,” Adrian sighed and sat back at the carpet, looking up at Alfie, “how did we meet?”</p><p>For a second there Alfie didn’t catch his meaning and he must have looked it, too, because Adrian giggled at him again. “In the story, I mean!”</p><p>“Ah, there’s a story, now?” Alfie smirked to himself and scratched his beard. “Dunno. The bar?”</p><p>“Your bar?” </p><p>“Aye, why not?”</p><p>“Do you usually pick up your customers?”</p><p>Alfie arched one eyebrow. “No.” <em> Unless the boy’s jealous, then yes. All the bloody time. </em></p><p>“Then that makes no sense.”</p><p>“Why? Don’t think your sister’s gonna know that.”</p><p>“Ah, we still have to watch out for Ada. Our families know each other.”</p><p>“Fuckin’ hell, don’t tell me the rest of the Shelbys are coming!” Alfie was dead-serious now, which, granted, he probably shouldn’t be <em> this </em>honest with the guy. He couldn’t help it, though. If Ada’s brothers are coming, he’s catching the first train back to London.</p><p>“I don’t know, maybe? Why?” Adrian frowned. “What’s the matter?”</p><p>“Aye, mate, they’re gonna know, that’s one.”</p><p>Adrian frowned again. “Well, then we just make it believable.” He looked at Alfie then, like he was challenging him. </p><p>Now, Alfie was not one to turn down a challenge and so the train idea had promptly been postponed. John and Arthur, they didn’t like Alfie much, but they wouldn’t care who he dated. But the idea of showing up with a gorgeous guy to rub Tommy’s nose in it, Tommy being the closet case and looking down on Alfie all the time from the safety of his sham marriage...? </p><p><em> Ah, yes. </em>In that case, right, he’s gonna fake-date the shit out of Adrian. It is decided.</p><p>They ended up talking till the early hours, going back and forth with their entire fake dating story. Adrian had to stop Alfie from making it sound too crazy a couple of times, though Alfie could see the other man had enjoyed the weirder details immensely. Alfie even managed to make him laugh a couple times, which, granted, did great things for his ego. Both of them also agreed that Ada would be in their corner the entire time, since all of this had been her idea. Jessie wouldn’t care either way, so their dumb asses were basically covered. </p><p>“Can I ask you something?” Adrian said, voice getting a little sleepy now. They were back in bed now, this time though with definitely less distance between them and no awkward tension. </p><p>“Hm,” Alfie said to that, lying on his back with his eyes closed and hands under his head.</p><p>“Where’s that scar from?” Adrian touched Alfie’s right cheek and the man nearly jumped out of his skin. <em> What the hell… </em></p><p>“Bar fight,” he said and rubbed his face, trying to stay awake.</p><p>“You’re lying,” Adrian said immediately, which made Alfie smirk.</p><p>“Am I?”</p><p>“You answered too quickly.”</p><p>Alfie hummed at that and closed his eyes again. “I tried to shave for the first time when I was fourteen. Did that to myself, yeah,” he said, still smirking a bit. </p><p>Adrian chuckled softly at that and ran his finger over the scar, again, which… Alright. It was nice. Alfie did nothing to stop him. </p><p>“Well, I have one on my ankle,” Adrian said then and shuffled a bit to show him, “I shaved my legs with my mom’s razor, just to see. Bad idea, let me tell you, took an entire patch of skin here.”</p><p>Alfie opened his eyes to look and sucked in the air, seeing that one. </p><p>“Fuckin’ hell,” he traced it softly with his hand, “yer a hazard, darlin’.”</p><p>“No pet names,” Adrian reminded him, with the tiniest hint of a smile lingering somewhere around the corner of his mouth.</p><p>“Ah, alright.” Alfie tilted his head, looking back at the scar on the other man’s leg. He still did not retract his hand and Adrian didn’t tell him to do that, either.</p><p>They looked at each other and spoke at the same time:</p><p>“You should get some rest.”</p><p>“We should kiss.”</p><p><em> Fuck, his is better, </em>Alfie thought immediately, but still had the audacity to act coy about it. </p><p>“What?” he asked, with his damn hand still on the other man’s calf, as if he had been perfectly innocent about the whole thing in the first place.</p><p>Adrian cleared his throat. “So, it should look natural, right? Couples kiss.”</p><p>“Right.”</p><p>“I don’t want our first kiss to be, you know. Awkward and with people present.”</p><p>“You mean, your family?” Alfie smirked a little bit.</p><p>“Yeah.” Adrian looked away for a second there, but then looked straight at Alfie and God damn, he already knew he lost this one. He just kept on losing today, didn’t he?</p><p>He reached out towards the guy, slowly, letting him know he could change his mind. Adrian didn’t look like he wanted to do that, though, he was looking at Alfie expectantly and parting his lips a little bit. Alfie leaned in and kissed him then, wrapping his hand tighter around the guy’s calf for no damn reason at all.</p><p>The kiss wasn’t awkward after all, it was gentle and actually quite nice — that is, until Adrian pulled Alfie by the arms and basically demanded to be pinned down to the mattress. Then, Alfie let go of all his inhibitions and decided to be the best fake-boyfriend a guy could ask for. He was generous like that, you see.</p><p>At the same time, on the other side of that wall, Ada Shelby was annoying her girlfriend to no end by still keeping the night light on and reading, while Jessie just wanted to go the fuck to sleep.</p><p>“I hope you’re fucking happy,” she finally huffed, deciding that whatever the hell was going on in the room next door, she really, really didn’t want to hear it.</p><p>“Hm?” Ada looked up from her book absent-mindedly. “Oh, I’m gonna go in the minute, I just want these bloody idiots to finally kiss,” she sighed.</p><p>“Oh, they are, all right!” Jessie barked, getting up and walking towards her luggage to look for earplugs. By the sounds of it, none of them will be very fresh for that party tomorrow.</p><p>“Hey, no spoilers!” Ada huffed and turned the page.</p><p>“It’s <em> Twilight, </em>Ada, there is no other possibility.”</p><p>“Shut it!” She hurled Jessie’s pillow at her, which the other woman caught swiftly, mid-air. She laughed at Ada’s aim and jumped onto the bed. </p><p>“You do realize that your plan worked, right?” Jessie asked, grabbing the book from Ada. </p><p>“Of course it worked,” Ada huffed and tried to get it back, but Jessie put it on her nightstand, out of reach. </p><p>“Come on,” Jessie pushed her gently onto the mattress and turned the light off. “At the rate they are going, it will get unbearable very soon.” She gave Ada a pair of earplugs, which her girlfriend accepted with a relieved hum.</p><p>“Never thought I’d ever be kept up at night by men, in my life,” Ada said, as she put the earplugs in. </p><p>“And by Alfie bloody Solomons, at that...”</p><p>“Oh my God, stop it! Aaaa! I can’t hear you!”</p><p>“Goodnight,” Jessie giggled and turned on her side to embrace Ada from the back. “You little matchmaker, you.”</p><p>“Shush! Let my boy get it, I just… don’t necessarily want to imagine the, <em> the thing!” </em></p><p>“Alfie’s thing?”</p><p>“JESSIE EDEN, I SWEAR!”</p><p>Jessie laughed out loud now and shook her head. “Oh, sheesh… These earplugs are very fucking bad, aren’t they?”</p><p>Ada hummed against her and took a deep breath. “Oh God, I promise to never meddle again… This is punishment enough.”</p><p>Jessie giggled into Ada’s neck and sighed, now entirely too awake to go back to sleep. “You know… he’s lucky to have a friend like you.”</p><p>“Oh, I know. I’m practically a saint, aren’t I?”</p><p>“Hm, or a particularly saintly devil.”</p><p>“Same thing.”</p><p>“I never know with you Shelbys…”</p><p>“Oh my God, I just realized.” Ada sat up quickly and took out her earplugs since they did completely nothing either way. “Tommy’s gonna be so pissed!”</p><p>“And why are you so happy about that?”</p><p>“Because now he owes me a hundred quid!”</p><p>“What?” Jessie sat up to and switched the nightlight back on, obviously to hear her girlfriend better. “You had a bet?”</p><p>“Yeah. That Alfie would stay single after… you know. The Christmas party.”</p><p>“Oh, I know,” Jessie bit her lower lip. “Poor Alfie. I know Tommy’s your family, but I honestly hate him. He’s a horrible person.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Ada sighed. “It’s true. But at least now Alfie won’t let Tommy manipulate him again!”</p><p>“Give it time,” Jessie sighed. “These two are honestly so dysfunctional, I have no hope.”</p><p>“Well, this time might be different.”</p><p>“You think so?”</p><p>“Oh, yeah! And I hear so, too — lend me your iPod, I beg you!”</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This can be read as a prequel to my very long Alfie-centered story from the same timeline that I promise to post very, very soon! So stay tuned, I hope &lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>